It was the best birthday in a number of years, not only because Hubby did a wonderful job planning the celebration as usual, but also because my way of thinking about birthdays had changed for the better.
When my grandmother passed way at the end of 2004, I developed this acute sense about death. It was neither a knee-jerk reaction to my grandmother's passing, nor was it an unhealthy preoccupation. I mourned, yes, but as I watched my grandmother depart this world at the hospice, leaving a permanent hole in my heart, I also had an incredible peace within me. While I was extremely thankful to be able to go back to Hong Kong in time to be with Grandma during her final days, I was also hopeful that I would see her again in heaven. Hopeful, because I knew a church nearby had visited with her at the hospice and shared Jesus with her. Although Grandma could not talk and I did not have her verbal confirmation that she had accepted Jesus into her heart as her Lord and Savior, the peaceful and beautiful way she passed let me know that she was safely in God's hands. Forever. As I thought more about death, I was also thinking more about heaven, about eternal life with Jesus. I wondered what it was like to be in heaven. Perhaps that is why MercyMe's I Can Only Imagine has remained one of my favorite songs (see video below).
Later, however, as my grief subsided and as I grew a few years older, I became more preoccupied with my journey on earth. At the same time, I was not enjoying getting older, and I became decreasingly open with my age. I was focused on the many goals for which to strive. Little did I know I was losing sight that my journey on earth was just that. A journey on earth. Without a doubt, I knew I was going to heaven after I died. However, I was not longing for heaven the way many first-century Christians were - and many twenty-first century fellow believers under severe persecution still are.
A number of years ago, Hubby wrote me a poem for my birthday and I loved it. There was a line about getting older and getting closer to heaven. I did not fully understand it at the time, but I think I do now. I was too preoccupied with my earthly journey, equating age with things I should be accomplishing. I am still getting older, but instead of secretly fretting over the times past and wondering if I have accomplished everything I should, I have learned that my focus is not on earth, but on heaven. For as long as I am here, I will do what God wants me to do to make a difference and to bring him glory. Yet, I also look forward to getting closer to my real home. My eternal home. I still wonder what I would do when I meet Jesus in heaven, but I have no doubt that I will love it. From now on, I will celebrate my birthday with joy, because it no longer means I am getting older, it means I am getting close to home.
I had a wonderful birthday indeed.
