This is my first Mother's Day without my Mom. It has been difficult to go through the day without her, but ultimately, I have learned that I can honor her even when she is no longer with us on this earth.
This morning, I put on a dress for church that Mom literally had her hands on. It was an Egyptian blue dress that I bought about two years ago after I had lunch with her. The store did not have my size since it was the end-of-the-season sale, but knowing Mom could do her alteration magic, I bought it anyway and asked her to alter it for me. She did a beautiful job, as always, and made the dress fit nicely, all without measurements and quickly and skillfully. Mom was a fantastic seamstress and talented designer with a keen sense of aesthetics and elegant taste. I have benefited from her handiworks all my life, even now. I still have all the clothes that she either made or altered for me, and I love wearing them.
The color blue will also always remind me of a shopping trip we had years ago. We were strolling along one sunny afternoon until I saw a light pink dress on a window display. I suggested to Mom about walking in to check out the dress, and we found that the dress also came in light blue. I asked her about the colors, and she told me flat out I should not be wearing pink because I was too tanned (from playing tennis!)! She thought blue was a much better color for me. So we walked out of the store with the light blue dress instead of the light pink one I thought I might get. Almost fifteen years later, I still have the dress. Now, every time I see the dress in the closet or when I put it on, I always remember what she said and it puts a smile to my face. To this day, I still have more blue clothes than pink, all because of her aesthetic eyes. Coincidentally, I wore the light blue dress last summer at our last family union before she went home to be with the Lord. She was so happy that day to have three generations at the same table.
I am more than blessed to have friends and family (including Hubby) who completely understand me. Leading up to today, they have been supportive and understanding. Today, there have been more tears than other days in quite some time. While some are tears of sorrow, there are many tears of gratitude. I am thankful for my family and friends. Even more so, I am thankful that Mom is with Jesus with no more pain and suffering. She is whole, completely healed, and in the best place with the Lord for eternity. I want her back, but I also would not want her to leave Heaven because of my selfishness.
Having been thinking about what this Mother's Day would be like, I think I am starting to have an inkling after processing my emotions - I want to honor Mom instead of making today a day of sorrow and negative emotions. There is a place and time for grief, and I am certainly not beyond it, but I have also realized that there are things I can do to carry on Mom's legacy. Towards the end of today, I went out to get my next door neighbor flowers. She is a mom but she has lost her mother. I also prepared for the baby shower that I am doing for another friend who is expecting her second baby. Then, I talked to some of my friends who have lost their moms. I am not saying all these to boast (because there is nothing to boast about), but only to share with you how I coped and moved forward in a way that would honor Mom. Mom was kind, gentle, and selfless, always putting others first, including her children. I want to follow her example and pay it forward.
It has been a difficult day, but it has also been good. I would rather have her, but while this is no longer possible, I have learned that her legacy can live on.
